Category Archives: relationship

Subconscious Factors Influencing Couple Attraction

No one doubts that having a relationship is complicated. We perceive it as complicated because the most important factors influencing couple attraction and relationship dynamics are subconscious. We usually have little or no conscious awareness of why we are attracted to (or repulsed by) a person.

Two people meet and either they suddenly feel attracted or not. Either they want to move closer or not. There is usually an energetic “pull-closer” or a “push-away.” Something is happening, it happens quickly, and it is happening on a much deeper level than the physical level. It is outweighing superficial appearance or material factors. What is happening is subconscious, psychological, and complicated.

The pull-closer, if for purely selfish reasons, will eventually lead to some kind of negativity and pain. The push-away could be either positive or negative depending on the intentions of each person.

When two selfish individuals feel an attraction, one or more of the following subconscious factors will likely be operative:

1. Individuals seeking a close, sexual relationship may be attracted because they have opposite subconscious “basic selfish dispositions.” One person will be “basically angry” and the other “basically fearful.” Anger and fear are the two basic ways that we selfishly control to get what we want or avoid what we do not want. If two individuals are of the same selfish disposition (i.e. both basically angry or both basically fearful), they would share similar selfish behavior patterns and would attempt to control and manipulate in similar ways. Were they to enter into a close, sexual relationship their similar selfish approaches would start to clash and the lifespan of their relationship would probably be short-lived. They know too much about each other’s ways.

2. Individuals may be attracted because they have subconscious selfish intentions or behavior pattern ideas that match or are compatible.

If a person holds an idea such as “I have to control in covert ways,” and another person holds the idea “I want someone to take care of me,” those ideas would be compatible.

If a woman had an abusive father relationship, she might have come away covertly hating her father and extended her feelings to include all men. If a man is holding the idea that he does not deserve to be loved or does not deserve anything good, he might be subconsciously attracted to a woman who will refuse to love him.

A woman may be attracted violent personalities or substance abusers, but may not consciously understand why. It is likely that she is enacting a subconscious pattern of being a “victim.”

A man may be attracted to a woman who is obviously controlling. He does not like how she is but feels compelled to be with her. He probably has subconscious patterns relating to his experiences with an excessively controlling mother.

Someone wanting to look good or be perceived as important or right may be attracted to a person who is choosing to be a screw-up, a flake, or a scatterbrain. On the other hand, a person wanting to look or important may be attracted to someone like that.

3. Individuals may be attracted because they have made a significant subconscious “negative agreement” that often has to do with taking personal responsibility.

If a person who is refusing to take full responsibility for his or her life meets someone seeking to take more than 100% responsibility, there might be a strong attraction based on that responsibility trade-off. This is common in selfish relationships.

If both individuals are seeking to avoid truth and reality, that avoidance might be the basis of an attraction.

Since we always know the things we do that are wrong, a person may have an “approach-avoidance” experience. This might occur because a person is sensing positive factors in another that would mean he or she would have to deal with person negatives in order to be with that person. That relationship would become a challenge that has a desirable attraction, yet has an undesirable dimension.

Some people harbor extremely negative intentions and feelings that are not consciously or visibly apparent. A person may push-away someone because he or she is subconsciously “reading” the other person’s true psychological state

Subconsciously, someone out in public may be projecting “I am available.” While another may be saying, “I am not interested in a relationship.”

Of course, the individuals might be attracted for unselfish, right, loving reasons, but, at this time, on this planet, that would be relatively rare. The divorce rates and the huge number of couples in frustrated, un-fulfilling, negative relationships would seem to indicate that fact.

The possibilities for attraction or pushing-away are endless. Until we transform ourselves into truly loving beings, relationships will remain complicated, tricky, and difficult ventures. The kind of people we attract and interact closely with, ultimately, depends on the nature and quality of our own subconscious intentions.

As far as true love is concerned, as long as we approach relationship from selfish motivations, from a “getting” rather than a “giving” place, and as long as we resist consistent right action, an experience of true love will elude us.

Neil Mastellone, working with his co-researcher Jean Mastellone, has been actively investigating the causes of negative human behavior. Their combined research findings are groundbreaking and tend to challenge popular and most medically accepted views of the subconscious, human behavior, baby psychology, and child, teen, and adult disorders and dysfunctions.

Love Horoscopes and Compatibility of Gemini

Zodiac signs compatibility test and love horoscopes are popular ways of finding if you are compatible with the person you are dating. Most of us know that our sun signs are based on the planetary positions at the time of our birth. Theses sun signs influence our traits and our ability to interact with different people. Gemini is one of the twelve sun signs. Love life and compatibility of Geminians are somewhat complicated because of several reasons.

Though matching love horoscopes of people with Gemini sun sign requires professional expertise, there are some common traits that are helpful in finding out if a particular Gemini relationship is going to last long.

Geminians are very witty, charming and intelligent. The intelligence and wits are often not appreciated by people of other sun signs. However Gemini person doesn’t take much time realizing that the other persons it not taking this approach positively.

Their ability to pick up new things and expressing their views about it comes in the way of stabilizing their relationship. They are often more interested in talking about sexual things rather than experimenting with it. However it depends upon many other factors as well.

The intelligence of Gemini is appreciated by Librans. As Librans themselves are known as charmers, they like the witty nature of Gemini. They love to love therefore Librans are the best match for geminians. Librans are often known for balancing relationships very well which means they know when to stop arguing with their partner and when to take things lightly. This is what makes Librans compatible with Gemini.

They go well with Aquarians as well. Their relationship with Leos goes well initially because of witty nature of Leo but usually it does not last long.

Downside of Gemini relationship is that they are often involved with more than one partner which makes them divorce prone. They are as quick in breaking a relationship as they are in building it.

Your Primary Spiritual Relationship

Popular culture is focused on attracting love, yet you’ll only be able to receive as much love as you give to yourself. You’ll deflect or guard love that doesn’t resonate with you – like a compliment you don’t believe. The opposite is also true. You’ll allow others to abuse you a bit less than you abuse yourself. So if you desire lasting love, learn to love yourself, because your relationships will parallel your relationship with yourself.

The subject of love interested me from an early age after reading Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving. I was still young and unconscious of my feelings about myself. For years, the concept of loving myself eluded me. Like many on a spiritual path, I became very good at compassion for others, but had no idea what self-love meant. Little by little, I’ve learned that it starts with self-esteem, self-acceptance, and finally compassion and love – all progressive stages.

Self-esteem

Most people determine their worth based upon other-esteem. They seek approval and validation from others, and their opinion of themselves isn’t very high unless they get it. True self-esteem isn’t based on what others think of you, since its Self-esteem. It’s basically what you think of yourself. You may think well of yourself and your competence in some areas, but not in others, and your estimation may fluctuate with illness and life’s ups and downs, but if you have good self-esteem, you’ll return to feeling good about yourself. You won’t blame yourself, nor take others’ opinions or what fate throws you too personally. You’ll think you’re an okay person despite losses, ill heath, mistakes, and rejection. Many people focus on their flaws and have trouble acknowledging their assets. Others have inflated, unrealistic opinions of themselves. Studies contend that narcissists have high self-esteem. I say they lack true self-esteem, because when a major loss occurs, their self-esteem can plummet, especially if it’s in areas that support their self-concept, such as beauty, public acclaim, or material success. The biggest obstacle to self-esteem is self-criticism.

Self-Acceptance

Unlike self-esteem which varies, self-acceptance is steady and unconditional. You accept yourself despite your flaws, failures, and limitations. You’re more self-forgiving and let go of self-judgment. Instead of comparing yourself to others, both positively and negatively, you appreciate your singular individuality. You feel that you’re enough without having to improve upon yourself.

Self-acceptance works wonders. Once you start accepting yourself, you gradually stop worrying what others think and become more spontaneous and natural. Self-acceptance is what allows you to be authentic. You can finally relax, and allow more of the inner, real you to be seen. You’ll have no shame or fear of revealing yourself when you accept yourself unconditionally.

Self-Love

Whereas self-esteem is an evaluation and acceptance is an attitude, love combines both feeling and action. Contrary to what many believe, self-love is healthy. It’s neither selfish, nor self-indulgent, and neither egotism, nor narcissism. Actually, egotists and narcissists don’t love themselves at all. A “big ego” is compensation for lack of self-love. Most people think too little of themselves, not too much, and often falling in love is merely a compensation for inner emptiness, loneliness, and shame. No wonder most relationships fail (including those who stay together). Erich Fromm correctly pointed out that love is an art form that takes dedication and practice, not something you win or fall into. Rather, being able to love is a faculty to be developed. It entails effort and begins with learning to love yourself.

Fromm contended that Western society has been influenced by the Calvinist belief that we’re basically sinful, and thus self-love was considered sinful. But since the Bible says, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” how can loving your neighbor be a virtue and self-love be a vice? You’re part of humanity as worthy of love as the next person. Many kind or religious people are able to love others, but unable to love themselves. They believe having a high regard for themselves is indulgent, conceited, arrogant, or selfish. The opposite is true. The greater is your love of self, the greater will be your love of others. The inverse is also true; hatred of others is indicative of self-hatred.

In a relationship when you love someone, you try to understand their experience and world view, although it differs from your own. You offer your attention, respect, support, compassion, and acceptance. Your caring involves knowledge, responsibility and commitment. These virtues are not compartmentalized, because love is indivisible. Thus, as you develop these abilities, your capacity to love yourself and others grows.

Developing the faculties of attention and compassion that are key to intimacy, necessitate discipline and time. To learn anything requires that you desire it and find it worthy of your effort. Although self-love is certainly an important goal, our society is full of distractions, and its emphasis on speed, performance, and productivity make developing self-love a challenge. Meditation, yoga, martial arts are helpful in learning self-awareness and focusing attention.

Compassion for yourself enables you to witness your feelings, thoughts, and actions with acceptance, caring, and understanding as you would when empathizing with another. Compassion is expressed with gentleness, tenderness, and generosity of spirit – quite the opposite of self-criticism, perfectionism, and pushing oneself. When most people are stressed, overwhelmed, or exhausted, they attempt to do even more, instead of caring for themselves. If you weren’t nurtured as a child, self-nurturing can be absorbed in therapy over time. You’ll learn to integrate the acceptance and empathy offered by your therapist. Self-compassion differs from self-pity, which is a judgment about your situation or feelings. Rather than acceptance and compassion, self-pity says, “It shouldn’t be this way.”

Fromm states that self-love entails faith and courage to take risks and overcome life’s setbacks and sorrows. Faith in yourself enables you to comfort yourself and face challenges and failures without lapsing into worry or judgment. You develop the ability to see yourself objectivity and know you’ll survive, despite present emotions. If you constantly seek validation and reassurance from others, you miss the opportunity to develop these internal functions. As knowledge is pre-requisite to love, spending time alone with yourself is essential to identify and listen to your feelings with sensitivity and empathy. Acquiring the ability to witness and contain your emotions are also faculties learned in meditation and psychotherapy. This is crucial to intimacy because it enables you to be present to love and have compassion for others.

Perhaps you’ve concluded that learning self-love isn’t easy. Look at it this way. Throughout the day, you’re confronted with many opportunities to disregard or attune to your feelings, to judge or to honor them, to keep commitments and be responsible to yourself, and to act in accordance with your needs, values, and feelings. You have an opportunity to learn self-love all the time. Every time you talk yourself down, doubt yourself, exhaust yourself, dismiss your feelings or needs, or act against your values, you undermine your self-esteem. The reverse is also true. You might as well make healthier choices, because you and all your relationships will benefit.

Loving Yourself by Taking The Sacred Pause

All of us have ‘triggers’ that set off our fear or anxiety and may lead to our reactivity – anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, compliance or resistance. We are especially triggered in our important relationships.

Take a moment right now to think about what, in your relationships, triggers you into your fear or anxiety.

Are you triggered by:

  • Another’s anger, annoyance, criticism, judgment or rejection?
  • Another’s withdrawal or resistance?
  • Another’s unhappiness, whining or complaining?
  • A partner leaving on a trip?
  • A partner coming home late and not calling?
  • A partner looking at another attractive person?
  • Another’s lack of consideration?
  • Another’s messiness?
  • Another’s forgetfulness?
  • Someone always being late?
  • When you feel unseen or invisible to someone who is important to you?
  • When you feel unjustly accused?
  • (Add your own)

While you might not be aware of it, we all have at least a second to choose how we want to respond to the trigger – and most times more than a second. We often go on automatic pilot and unconsciously choose our standard protective behavior, but we have the choice to love ourselves by taking a second or two to breathe, tune in, and become conscious of this moment of choice. This is the sacred pause – the old “count to 10” before responding.

If you choose to take a breath and tune in, you are giving yourself a chance to respond as a loving adult rather than reacting from your wounded ego self. You have a chance to love yourself by bringing compassion to yourself; by choosing the intent to learn, or disengage from the situation. You have the chance to love yourself by speaking your truth if that is appropriate, and asking your higher self about the loving action toward yourself and the other in this situation. With practice, you can learn to do all of this in the time it takes to take a deep breath.

The challenge is remembering to love yourself by taking the sacred pause and remembering to tune in to yourself and your higher guidance. It is hard to remember to do this when your fight or flight reaction is triggered. However, when it is very important to you to love yourself, you will remember to respond as a loving adult rather than from your wounded self, and you will practice and practice until you remember more and more of the time.

When you forget, accept it rather than criticizing yourself. It is VERY hard to remember to consciously choose your response when your body is in the stress response of fight or flight. Each time you do remember, notice how wonderful you feel – regardless of what the other person is doing. Notice that your painful feelings come more from your reactivity than from the other person’s behavior. Notice how free and empowered you feel when you respond as a loving adult, loving yourself rather than abandoning yourself in reaction to your fear and anxiety.

Relationship Love Poems

When it comes to expressing your love you share towards another individuals in your life we believe one of the best ways is love poems. When you take those thoughts you have in your mind and put them on paper with a pen in a love poem format they are really powerful words. When you are writing a love poem you will have words flowing freely just like a river. You should know that love poems have been around for a very long time now, they have existed since ancient times. The truth is that some of the best literature is actually related to love.

You may not realize it but love just makes individuals want to write poems. It is a well-known fact that when someone is in love they are turned into a genuine poetry writer. Sometimes when someone expresses himself or herself in a love poem it can be very flattering but then again it can also be exaggerated too. When it comes to writing a love poem and the person has had lost love or an unfulfilled love there is going to be a lot of thoughts in it that are negative. These poems are reflecting the dreams that have been shatters, the frustration that has been faced and the agony that has been dealt with.

There was a person names Emily Watson and she once stated that the heart is known for speaking the language of love and the language of love is best when it is expressed by poetry. As far back as the first written words love poems have known to be a essential role when it comes to expressing how you feel towards someone. If you have ever truly loved someone then chances are you have written a love poem for them. Just because you wrote a love poem for them doesn’t mean you shared it with them. Many individuals out there write a love poem about someone they love and it is really good but they cannot bring themselves to give it to the person.

If you have written a love poem for someone you deeply care about then you should not be afraid to give it to him or her. Those poems that we write when we are in love are those beacons that guide us to the uncharted depths of love. If you are into love poems then you should know that there are plenty of books published out there that are filled with love poems. Some of the authors of the love poems are well known but then you have those that aren’t so famous but the love poems are still good. Now that we are talking about books on love poems we would also like to tell you that there are books out there that will guide you and direct you on how to write love poems. Really, if you have ever been in love then you will be able to write a love poem. Remember, poems are all about feelings.

Dating Relationships

Love is not just how we fell towards another person. It is not the only up-thrust into a dating relationship. It is also a matter of how we express our feelings to them. We all follow the trends in love craze and sing along the most romantic love songs. Sometimes our love lives take a turn that we never thought possible. The reason why this happens is manly because many people fail to investigate their own love, personality and knowledge while looking for someone with whom you are compatible.

When people of opposite sex meet for the first time and there is something between them suggesting the crown of dating relationships, something closer to mutual interest in each other, the attraction is often overwhelming. The appreciation of the love life comes from both parties and it appears nothing will ever bring the love birds apart.

Then there comes the question that has nagged mankind for generations. Why does love wane so quickly? Couples will appear to have suddenly turned into archrivals with accusations of unfaithfulness and neglecting of responsibilities. The spouses stop giving and start to make demands. This love trend may continue at the same rate but may sometimes differ in different partners depending on their character traits. Since dating relationships do not regard the right way to fall in love, no one can claim to have a prescription. How you meet is of little importance. Most perfect couples meet in the oddest circumstances.

The extent to which lovers maintain creativity without appearing to look unnatural could be debated. It is difficult to know the personality of your lover during the dating period. A person will always take care not to behave in a manner that may make them appear unkind or undesirable. The only trait that comes out clearly is that concerning sex, love and romance in all dating relationships. There is a risk of someone faking a desirable personality only to change a few days after marriage.

A lot of observation is called for, plus a keen interest in the person’s background as well as the motives that motivate the individual’s behavior during the dating period. The ideas you have concerning love and romance. You have to be keen on observation meaning your consciousness has to be always on the alert. Dating relationships do call for carefulness. For instance, if you like going out in the beach and when you suggest this to your partner she readily agrees, you may not succeed in knowing what her likes are. You need to know what else she likes apart from going to the beach. She may not even like going there at all.

Find out about the things that tickle a sense of belonging in her. Know what she would rather die than do and know what annoys her most. Use this knowledge to tell if you are a match for her or not. Knowledge of these things helps in figuring not only the love personality of your prospective spouse but also your own, which fits you in the line of dating relationships that might lead to something more. If you are the kind of a person who is always fascinated by the meaning of things and not the things themselves, you will have a difficult time trying to impress a person who accepts things the way they are without delving into their meaning.

Keep Your Relationship Loving

So you want to know how to score points with that beautiful girl you married or are in a relationship with? The Secrets that follow will lead to a more loving wife who will appreciate you even more.

What are the Secrets?

1) When you know your wife is going somewhere without you like to the beach with her girlfriends, Leave a surprise in her bag or car. Go out and get the most recent edition of her favorite magazine, or a book by her favorite author.

2) If your wife is going away, the week before she does, call her. Call her everyday during the day while you or she or both of you are at work. Tell her that you will miss her.

3) If she is going away, have dinner ready for her when she is due to return. Make her favorite food. Do everything. Cook, Clean up, don’t let her do anything.

4) When she returns from being away, go out and unload her stuff. Going away is great, but coming back and unloading all the stuff stinks. She is probably going to be tired from a fun filled trip. Everyone needs a day off to recover from being off.

By following the four steps outlined above, I can almost guarantee your wife, girlfriend or partner will love you for it. The reward you get from doing this will be well worth it. She will be in a good mood. You just might like her reaction to your actions too.

Love Your Relationship, Love Your Mate

Everyone knows that you have to compromise in any relationship, but how one goes about compromising is the question. Is it simply that you give in because you shy away from conflict or an argument ensued, making it a win-lose situation? Or, do you talk about the situation and come to a decision where both of you get satisfied in some way… making it a win-win? There are many ways we compromise in relationships and compromise doesn’t mean that you have to lose every time.

When two people respect each other, they are honoring their rights as human beings. If one usually feels slighted and discontent with the outcome, then someone is taking advantage, while the other is being disrespected and not standing up for themselves. On occasion, there are always going to be two points-of-view in every relationship. How the conflict gets handled is what makes all the difference.

First and foremost, talk… not yell, criticize, or belittle… talk. Each one tells their side of the story, and then, with an open mind, both of you figure out how to make it work.

For instance, one of you enjoys going out with friends, while the other is more of a home-body or has other interests. That’s okay! Figure out what works so both of you can have what you want. Make a plan: the one spends time with friends on Fridays, while Saturdays are always date-night. Neither of you get exactly what you want, but you can be happy with the outcome because your mate was willing to compromise. No one had to lose. Other issues could be how one of you spends money, cleans, drives, or even how you argue. Once again, talk and make a plan!

People just feel better when they know that they have been heard and that there is empathy for their position. No one likes to feel that they don’t matter. Keep this in mind each and every time you are faced with an issue and you will become a better person, a better mate, and a better friend. As the golden rule tells us, treat others as you want to be treated. That rule has been around for a long, long time…and there’s a good reason for it.

Is Your Relationship Love or Pity

If you are in a relationship and you just feel that something is missing, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to take a close look at what is taking place in your life with your partner at this time. The very real question that is going to have to be answered at the end of your assessing this situation is whether your relationship is based on love or pity.

The individual that you are spending your life with may be your best friend, and the problem is they may not be your lover. It may not be the individual that you are able to have a passionate relationship with that has that deep rooted love that having a partner brings. The individual may be a very close friend that you feel comfortable discussing things with, and sharing your problems with, and having a good time with, but the relationship ends there. If you are not feeling that tug in your heart each time you are with them or looking for them and counting the minutes to when you are going to see them again, then there may be something missing that you need to bring back into your relationship if it’s possible.

You may know within yourself that this is not the person that you had thought that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but don’t want to hurt them by ending the relationship. So you are now, in your heart, accepting second best even though this is a top rate person. You are not being fair to them or yourself to allow this to continue. It is something that you need to bring out in the open, and many times when this happens it turns out that there has just been something affecting the relationship that can be rectified, and the passion now returns to the marriage or partnership.

Many times with a hectic pace of life, or one or the other going their separate ways without realizing it, they have become selfish in the relationship and have taken the marriage for granted. Sometimes doing a reality check is all that it takes. Then this may not be the case, and it turns out that you are truly in the relationship because of pity. This is where you need to ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your life this way, or do you want to give each of you a chance of finding the true love and happiness in a relationship that you expect out of life.

Rebound Relationships

Is your ex dating someone else after you just broke up? The fact is, your ex is trying to get over you and not deal with the emotions of the break up.They are trying to forget about the real love. This is one of those times when love really stinks.

The rebound relationship is often used to try and deal with losing someone that they really love. Does it matter who’s fault it was? Or why? Does it matter who put an end to the relationship? I don’t think so. What really matters is the true love between you.

Relationships that are founded on true love have the ability to be saved.

Most often, if an ex is in a rebound relationship they are focusing on what went wrong with your relationship. They will try to have a “reverse relationship”. What?….If your a nice person, they will probably spend time with someone who is opposite. If you are into sports or “Desperate House Wives”, they will probably attach themselves to someone that into computers or someone that loves “The Sound Of Music”.

Here’s the opportunity. Your ex is focusing attention on you and you are now able to determine what your ex is looking for. Otherwise, if your ex is with someone completely different then you, there must be something missing in your own relationship. Find out what it is and you will find the way to get your ex back.

More than likely your ex will find that the re bounder has flaws and will recall the many reasons why they are in love with you. You have to give it time. TIME…….that’s another one for Love Stinks. Let the ex develop the memories and missing the great things in the relationship.

At this point you have to be cautious. When the opportunity comes back at you, don’t immediately jump on top of it.

· Don’t try to convince your ex that you are the love of her life. Let them discover this on themselves.
· Don’t apologize over and over. Your ex already know why reason for loving you.
· Promising to change is a big mistake. Your ex is in love with who you are.
· Don’t even bring up the subject of who’s fault the break up was. Pure waste of energy and time.
· If you beg your ex to take you back, you should probably get that tattoo on your forehead that says “STUPID”.