In this short article I would like to discuss with you the subject of men: how to understand and deal with them, and how to live with them. In another article coming soon, I will look at women, and how to have a good, solid relationship with the female of the species.
Let us talk about the stages of relationships to start with. You may have noticed that the above title is backwards. The proper stages of relationships that you should follow are Understanding Men, Love, and then perhaps Marriage.
Men (and women) are complex, ever-changing things that you cannot hope to ever fully understand, and then relax. It is a continuous work in progress to watch him, figure him out (but not psych him out!), think, note his likes, dislikes, reactions, level of maturity, and so on. Of course, he should be doing the same for you. This will make for a harmonious, happy relationship.
Women want a man who is strong, confident and mature. So while you are dating, observe closely. Is he spoiled? Selfish? Does he sometimes let his guard down and act like a little boy? Perhaps it was disguised as a joke, but watch out. It can take a year or more of frequent dating before the real nature and temperament of your partner emerges.
It is worth remembering as well that men can be just as vulnerable and emotional as women. Men know they are supposed to be strong and supportive. But sometimes they need help too. Needing or asking for help is not a sign of weakness, or a character defect. On the contrary, it shows a good level of adult maturity, to know when to ask for help and not be ashamed of it.
You know very well that you should not stay with a man who abuses you. I do not need to tell you that, I hope! But what about the guy who is a little more crafty, and not so obvious? Does your man constantly criticize you and put you down, especially in front of family and friends? You may think this behavior is foolish and sad, and just tolerate it.
However, there is more to it than that. It is in fact, a large red flag being waved in your face, so do not dismiss it. A man who behaves in this manner is chock full of insecurities and emotional problems. He is dumping his issues on you because you are handy and convenient, and usually will not fight back. In this way, he escapes having to actually deal with these problems himself.
As an aside, fighting back vigorously in such a situation might make you feel better, but it will only make things worse. This man needs to see a counselor or psychologist quick, and get straightened out, if possible. You cannot do this yourself unless you actually are a psychologist yourself, and maybe not even then, so do not try.
The important point is, a man who often acts in an abusive, childish or emotionally immature manner is damaged goods. Steer clear and find someone else, before you find yourself accepting the blame for his problems and getting messed up yourself. He wants you to feel as bad about yourself as he feels about himself.
If you stay in such a relationship, he will succeed. You will soon feel guilty and inadequate, and lack confidence in yourself, for all the wrong reasons. Or, actually, for no reason at all. Put some effort into watching your man in the first few months of your relationship. Think carefully and remember what happens. There are always warning signs in a bad relationship, sooner rather than later.
Do not ignore them, thinking they will go away. They will not. On the contrary, they will usually get worse with time. To achieve a happy ending, you must go through the stages of relationships in their proper order. Understanding should come first, no matter how madly in love with him you are.
You know very well that most folks are on their best behavior in the early stages of love and dating. Do not be in too much of a rush to get married or move in with him. She who hesitates is sometimes saved. Be patient and become a keen observer with a sharp memory. It will pay off bigtime in the long run.